When I decided to make this blog, I decided that I was going to be honest, share really personal stuff, and just air my whole life out in the open for everyone to see. I knew that I was going to be real with myself, my posts, and my depression. I had decided that I no longer was going to hide my depression. I know that it's no one's business that I have a mental illness but I always felt like I was hiding something, like this terrible secret was going to come out and I was worried about people thinking I was crazy. Like, what if I found the man of my dreams (fat chance) and there would come a time I would have to tell him that I have major depressive disorder. I know that if he really liked me it wouldn't matter but you never know how people are going to react. Just saying, you know how some people can be, not very supportive.
Oh well, that hasn't happened yet (see I said yet, I have hope) so I definitely knew it was time for me to finally stop being scared, stop caring what others thought of me, open up, and finally be myself. My silent words will no longer own me and now that I choose to no longer hide, my secret can't control me. WOW! I felt great. I was excited to start blogging.
This blog has made me stronger. I feel free now, like a weight has been lifted. I can openly and honestly talk about my depression and feel okay about it. It sure is refreshing to be able to say almost whatever I want on my blog. I just hope I never offend anyone so that keeps me in check. Blogging is such a great creative outlet for me. It keeps me busy which I like to be, keeps me from having the chance to think too much which gets me into trouble. You know, over thinking makes everything worse, especially for depressed people. Our minds never quit! It is a lot of work keeping up a blog. It is like I have a second job. Sometimes a crisis comes up or I am not feeling good and cannot get to my blogs for a couple of days. But it is great to have the freedom to post whenever I want. A few months ago, I had thought about deleting my other blog but I decided I just couldn't do it. My freebies blog is officially my first blog and I was kinda attached to it. Actually, my very first blog got infected or something, it wasn't working right. I couldn't post anything. So I deleted it and designed the blog again. I kept the same title just added a 2 after it.
Earlier this year I decided to clean up my two blogs. They were cluttered, looked messy, and I guess not very professional. At first I thought that I needed all kinds of blog buttons, every kind of widget, and just ended up with way too much on it that wasn't really needed. Heck, I started this whole blog thing a year ago all on my own, like from scratch. I had no idea where to begin but thank God for technology and the Internet, I just looked everything up online. I just jumped right in and started at the bottom and worked my way up. I finished the design and layout on my blogs and then started posting. I did make a mistake and used someones picture on my freebies blog but she let me know about it. I was kind of intimidated by her at first, but she offered to help me if I needed, so that was nice. Heck, I didn't know anything about the legal or illegal stuff about blogging. Thankfully, I was a fast learner, wasn't scared of computers, and had lots of experience working on the Internet. It still amazes me that I had the courage to jump right in and do this all by myself (*pats self on back*). Who knew I had it in me?!?
Now, I am ADHD about my blogs. I adore my blogs. But I always think I need to change things. I did change the blog description on this blog. I just wanted to change the description to kind of give this more of a personal blog feeling. I thought the other description sounded kind of stiff and clinical. My blogs are still a little cluttered but not as bad as they were. Just an extension of my chaotic, personality, I guess. I now want to be able to do more things with my blog, like linky parties, maybe help post giveaways and stuff like that. Not to worry, my main concern is still promoting mental health awareness, doing what I can to help stop the stigma of mental illness, and providing mental health resources. I made a promise to myself that I will help others the best I can. I like letting people know that they are not alone and that I truly understand what they are going through. I am supportive of my fellow bloggers and readers. I promote their blogs as much as my own. Overall, I couldn't be happier about being a part of the blogging community. Bloggers seem to love helping other bloggers. All bloggers stick together and support one another, that is comforting. I have found a bunch of awesome blogs and have even gotten to know a few of the bloggers.
I am amazed in how understanding, caring, and supportive other bloggers with mental issues have been. I finally feel like I belong somewhere. I have received a ton of comments on my blog and my posts. Except for a few spam comments, all of them have been good. Thankfully, I have received no negative comments. That's awesome. I am no way near a veteran blogger. It is a work in progress. There is always something new for me to learn about blogging that keeps me on my toes. But I think I have found my calling. Now, I am no longer alone and maybe not so crazy after all, huh?
