Monday, April 22, 2013
Misery loves miserable company
I was thinking that maybe I share too much personal information on here. Then I thought, hell, this is my blog. Besides, holding back only hurts me. I need to vent, gripe and moan sometimes. I feel that blogging is my only outlet.
So in my household there is myself, my daughter and her boyfriend, and my daughter's father (fyi-we are not together, just co-existing) and as Dr. Phil would say "How's that working for ya?" Well, not so much. Anyway, 3 out of 4 of us suffer from depression, 2 of us are on medication and 1 should be. The only half way normal person is my daughter's boyfriend. Let me tell you, sure makes for an abnormal, not-so-fun, interesting household at times. With me being the overly sensitive one, it drives me nuts when things aren't what I call "normal".
Normal, according to me, is when everything goes smoothly and everybody is content. In other words, if things aren't going my way I am tense, stressed, and impatiently waiting for things to blow up. This is how I feel right now, very on edge. My mood depends on everybody else's mood. Being overly sensitive is truly a curse to me. Since when is it okay for me to change my mood for others? The anticipation of the not knowing what is going to happen next drives me insane or should I say insaner. It has gotten worse with age LOL.
My daughter's father is not always a nice man and as long as he is happy I am happy. Right now he is very depressed, hasn't gotten out of bed yet (it is 7:46pm), and refuses to eat. When he is mad, he makes it hell for everyone. And of course, he is the one who needs the medication, that was a given. So as you can see, my household is stressing me out. I know that a change needs to be made and fast.
I wanted to move out at tax time but I didn't have enough money. If I can wait, Lord give me the patience, I will definitely move away from this toxic environment that my ex has created this time next year. But it might look like, he may move out first. He cannot stand daughter's boyfriend (thinks he is freeloading--he kinda is but...) and said yesterday that either daughter's boyfriend goes by May 1st or he goes. My ex has been paying the rent.
Anyway, to wrap this up and make room for another post at another time, I have supported my ex most of the past 15 years, on and off that we have been together, and just since the last 3 years, he has paid most of the bills due to his getting VA disability. With this said, I am really screwed up.
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