I know, I know...

I know that I have stayed away way too long, again.

It is just I have nothing to say 

that is of any good

No positivity here today folks.

Oh well, I try and that is all I can do.

I am not necessarily in a bad mood, not 

really depressed; just stressed with a side

of numbness minus the tears.

I just need a break from reality, 

a vacation from this life that I live.

I don't necessary want to go away.

But I sure wouldn't turn down a trip

to Jamaica or Bahamas; 

even Florida right now.

My daughter is so depressed and

constantly talks about killing herself.

She is in so much pain right now; 

so irrational, so genuinely miserable.

I am at wits end.

I no longer have a clue on how to handle her

and her emotional breakdowns.

Hell, I can't even handle my own 

breakdowns sometimes

I get so frustrated that I have a hard time 

trying to save myself

let alone my own daughter.

I want to take her pain away and give it to myself, if I could.

But that isn't possible, even though I may be 

a little stronger than her or maybe it is just

that I have learned to deal with what 

goes on in my life and in my mind.

I don't understand why she 

doesn't want to help herself.

She needs medication bad.

She never takes it long enough

to know if it could actually help her.

She is in counseling but I think 

she has the wool over her eyes.  

The therapist thinks that she is "okay."

I started counseling, again.

It is going to be a lot of hard work

but I am ready for change to come in 

one way or another.

But until the time is right for things to 

come together I am so stuck in so many ways.

And so is she.