My,My, My, Has it BeenThat Long?

It seems that every time I wanted to blog, I just didn't.
I made excuses.  I was usually too tired, didn't feel good,
or just plain had no energy.
Depression does that you know,
makes you not want to do the things
you once loved.

I have been struggling daily with life.
Stress is beginning to really take its toll on me.
I have been just going through the motions every day.
Depression wreaks havoc on your emotions, brings on
negativity, and robs you of joy.

I am feeling a little better but nothing has really changed.
I am still stressed out all the time over not having a car,
not having enough money to pay the bills,
and wondering how I will make it through another day.
I barely live paycheck to paycheck.
And yet, somehow I do make it through to see another day.

I know that I need to control my thoughts using
cognitive thinking skills but it seems that I am
my own devil, my own worst enemy.
I seem to continue to make this world my own personal hell.
I will get back to working on changing my thought habits.

photo from Rage Girl at https://www.facebook.com/menRpigs

I did to manage somehow to get rid of the most toxic person in my life, so that is an accomplishment in itself even if I didn't do it directly.  My ex moved out at the end of September because he needed to get away from me. HAH!  He did me a favor.
I was able have my own room again.
I was then able to finally say goodbye to the couch after
sleeping on it for four years.
It is an awesome feeling sleeping in a bed again,
having privacy, and being free of emotional and verbal abuse,
you don't even know.
But even that wasn't enough to keep the depression at bay.

So here I am today, feeling tired as usual,
 but I am so glad that I decided that tonight
would be the night that I would jump back into blogging,
something that I loved doing.

So, yeah, I am okay, just okay and I am okay with that.
I know that it is okay not to be okay too.
But for now, I will take it what I can get.

I promise not to stay away so long next time.
I was wondering if my blog was still up and running.
Yep, it was right where I left it,
waiting patiently for me to return.

Being positive with a depressive soul has
turned into some sort of oxymoron.
Was I wrong to think that I could actually be
positive with a depressive soul.
Oh well, it is what it is or is it?